Are You Giving Too Much of Yourself?

Are You Giving Too Much of Yourself? Establish Healthy Boundaries With These 3 Steps

Do you ever feel drained, like you’ve poured so much into others that there’s nothing left for yourself? It’s hard to show up for the people we care about when we’re running on empty—and I’ve learned that a lack of boundaries is often to blame.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about protecting your energy so you can truly show up where it matters most.

For me, giving too much of my time and energy, even to those I care deeply about, left me feeling depleted and disconnected from myself. The solution? Stronger boundaries.

It Always Boils Down to Boundaries

Boundaries are like a muscle we can strengthen with practice. The muscle I’m working on—and one I know many can relate to—is saying no, or recognizing when my “yes” (like agreeing to meet friends for happy hour) turns into a “no” (when that happy hour extends into a late night).

To approach these moments more intentionally, I’ve learned to act not from my current emotions, but from my aspirational intentions—how I want to grow and show up in the future. My dad shared something with me the other day that really landed: “Our thoughts shape our actions, and by aligning them with our aspirations rather than our immediate emotions, we create the space for transformation.”

Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about protecting your energy so you can truly show up where it matters most.

What boundaries could you set today to create space for yourself?

Here Are 3 Tips to Help You Create and Maintain Healthy Boundaries:

When I sat down to write this blog post, I listed the main ways we can protect my energy, create healthy boundaries, and advocate for them in an empowered, loving way. Here they are.

1. Speak Expectations Upfront

Clear communication is essential. When we speak our expectations upfront, it creates mutual understanding and accountability. Unspoken expectations create disappointment and can lead to resentment. 

Inversely, spoken expectations create that mutual understanding I mentioned, which leads to making an agreement. Now both / all parties are on the same page and there’s less potential for a misunderstanding, disappointment, or rejection. 

Unspoken expectations create disappointment and can lead to resentment.

For example, a friend asked me to help with a project, and I eagerly said yes, assuming it would take a few hours. But as the work progressed, it became clear they expected an ongoing commitment. If I’d clarified my capacity upfront, we could have aligned expectations and avoided disappointment on both sides. 

The clear communication between us would’ve led to up front leveled expectations where everyone is happy and feel their needs have been met. This removes ambiguity and sets both parties up for what to expect. 

Speaking our expectations can be applied to our romantic and professional lives too, and can lead to tremendous breakthroughs. 

2. Commit to Less to Follow Through More

By committing to less, you will be able to follow through more on what you do commit to. 

What sounds better? Overfilling your plate and having to cancel obligations and feel guilty while potentially letting people down? Or committing to less in the first place and having the discernment to say yes to what you can truly take on (and want to). 

“Stand IN your yes and stand FOR your no.” – Iyanla Vanzant

This requires discernment: Iyanla Vanzant says, “Stand IN your yes and stand FOR your no.” That means every yes should be intentional and every no should be honored without guilt (key for recovering people pleasers like me!). When I do say yes, it’s because I’m confident I can follow through—not just for others, but also for myself.  

When we overcommit or become the “buffet offenders” (putting way more on your plate than you could ever hope to accomplish), our performance plummets. We start dropping the ball, we begin to feel completely overwhelmed, and our quality of life plummets right alongside our performance. 

Wouldn’t it be better to mindfully add things with intention, checking in with ourselves along the way to see how we’re feeling? 

3. Speak Up When Things Don’t Align

Another key to maintaining boundaries is speaking up when something doesn’t align with your needs, values, or well-being. For instance, I have a close friend who often replies with “call me” whenever I reach out. While generous on their part, this request puts me on the spot because I don’t always have time for a spontaneous call. This has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me honoring my own limits. 

When we can be clear about our boundaries and express them with kindness, it fosters mutual respect and understanding which in turn deepens the connection! It helps us lead with vulnerability in a way that allows the other person to receive us with compassion and understanding. What a good feeling that is! 

And if this other person isn’t able to respect your boundaries, that’s a good indication that perhaps they aren’t on the same page or able to meet you where you are at this time.  

Protecting Your Energy: The Takeaway

Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out; they’re about protecting your energy so you can truly show up where it matters most. When you establish boundaries, you’re creating space to care for yourself and be present for the people who truly matter.

When we can be clear about our boundaries and express them with kindness, it fosters mutual respect and understanding which in turn deepens the connection!

So, what boundaries could you set today to create space for yourself? Start small, speak clearly, and honor your truth. The peace you gain is worth the effort and initial discomfort.